Written by Lynda Omerekpe
It felt like the whole world was crumbling on her shoulders when she found out Tony was married and his family was living in Canada. He played his cards nicely, checked the right buttons, a “church brother” too! He was just too good to be true; the kind of man you’ll be proud to take home to your father. At 34, how does Stella start another relationship from scratch after investing her time, emotions and resources for two years to make it work with Tony? God, why?
Stella was 28 years old and in a relationship with an atheist. When she met with Jesus and gave her life to Him; she decided to break up with the guy and totally surrender her life to God. Choosing to stay focused on this journey, she made a personal commitment to serve God with her body, soul and spirit; vowing not to go into a relationship with any man for the next three years. Stella kept to her promise and turned down proposals from many suitors who came for her hand in marriage during those three years. She diligently served in the house of God, joined a department and also won many souls to the kingdom of God. After three years, Stella was now ready for a relationship that will lead to marriage; she believed God will send prince charming very soon. Not long, Tony walked into her life and completely swept her off her feet – “Oh my God, he is just perfect”, she said. Stella got carried away that she did not do a background check on Tony until she started noticing some inconsistencies with his words and actions. The cat was finally out of the bag when his wife and children came for a surprise visit to Nigeria.
Now Stella is in a state of dilemma, where does she go from here? The doctors advised she should start giving birth as soon as possible as her biological clock was ticking. Being the first daughter, the prayer topic for a grandchild during morning devotion was her mother’s way of reminding her that she was over-due for marriage. Her uncles humiliated her with stories of her cousins who got married and started having children at 25. The pain in her heart was not just because of Tony’s deception, she felt God had abandoned her after her three year unreserved and total commitment to Him. Yielding to the pressure from home and doctor’s advice, Stella decided to take matters into her hands; this time she was not giving room to any man to hurt her again. So, she went to the hospital to get an IVF procedure done. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and gradually what was hidden under the sun became visible to the sight of everyone. She could no longer hide the growing baby bump. Like wildfire, news of her pregnancy spread, the gossip mongers had a field’s day with it. Everyone in her department in church spoke in hush tones, her name was the topic of each day. She began to feel uncomfortable and soon stopped attending church. Her neighbours give her the awkward ‘ashewo’ look; some of the women even said it out loud for her to hear. Stella had mixed feelings of both fulfilment and depression, she was aware of society’s stand and the shame that came with being an unmarried pregnant woman.
At 5 months gone into her pregnancy, Stella is in a state of questioning. She’s wondering each day if she made the right decision by taking matters into her hands. Should she have waited and trusted in God’s timing?
Now that you have read Stella’s story, what do you think? Was it right for Stella to have dedicated three years of her life as a trade-off that God will perform magic for her love life when she was ready? Who is to blame for her current situation? What are the future implications? What advice can you give Stella?