The Elevation Church

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Forgive me Father





Thursday, 30 April



Forgive me Father, for I have failed. It’s been two weeks since my last depression.



I’m here again.


I thought the last time was the last time; yet here I am, two weeks later, like clockwork. Crawling, clutching, struggling to breathe; barely any fight left. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, if I’m being honest. The usual signs were there. Sunday, lethargic. Monday, restless. Tuesday, sad. Should I have done something about it then? Was there a way to escape getting to this…inevitable place? Wednesday, despair. Now Thursday, and I can’t get up.


Help me, Lord.


I need to get to my song. If I can only play my healing song, He will meet me there and I will feel right again.


My soul thirsts for things I can’t explain

In my bones a beckoning to pray


The tears come, desperate as usual.


If my heart is a battleground

My defenses run both ways


This time though, there is something different.


The flesh is a beggar and thief

But there is a Spirit-man awakening me


I’m bawling now, but not from release. What is this… this agony? Where did it come from? Usually I can trace the pain to an event, a trigger. Something someone said. A memory of things past. An Instagram post that triggered thoughts of what should’ve been. But this? This is a new, unfamiliar depth.


When real life and peace won’t make amends

When all these starts start feeling like these ends

Like the world is unravelling

And I’m bound to come undone


Oh Lord, the song isn’t working! Where is my release? If I can’t find release here…if You no longer meet me here, what do I have left?


There is a Shepherd, a Priest

There is a Comforter

Who comforts me


Help me Lord. Please. Don’t leave me now.




Lord? Remember what?


And my soul finds rest
Where it makes no sense
There the Blood sets me free


The video from this morning, Lord. The boy’s father said he’d heard the voice of a demon fighting for his son’s soul.


“And what did he do then?”


He rebuked it. Ordered it to leave.


“You have the power, my darling. They’ve come for you, but I came for you.”


All my old regrets
All my brokenness
All my failures redeemed


And it feels like grace
Where I stacked my shame
There the cross stands for me


All the things I’ve done
All the times I’ve run
All my dead ends redeemed


And it looks like hope
Where my heart was broke
And His heart broke for me


You spirit of depression and despair, I command you to take your ugly talons out of my mind and leave right now, in the name of Jesus. Jesus died on the cross for me, paying the price for my spirit, body and soul including my mind. His blood speaks for me always and is speaking for me right now. Leave this instant and never return.


Lay your burden down upon
Down upon Him
Lay your burden down


Jesus my rest, in peace
My reconciler
You’re my every good thing


Instantly the fog lifts. I stand up and take a shower that’s two days in the making. I sit at my desk, bring out my laptop and clear out all the outstanding work that’s been piling up for a week. I’m the calmest I’ve been in a long time. I pause for a minute and think about this. I feel a forgotten yet familiar flutter in my chest. Joy, is that you?


I surrender all
All I’m living for
You’re my every good thing


You’re my amnesty
You’re my split wide sea
You’re my every good thing


All my days and nights
You’re my death to life
You’re the wonder I breathe


You’re my can’t explain
First and last refrain
You’re my every good thing



Tuesday, 30 June



Thank you Father, for I am healed. It’s been two months since my last depression.




Written by Dania Nwizu

Song Reference: Starts and Ends by Hillsong United

Comments (3)

Awesome. Great read.

Timely piece this is. God bless you Dania.

Dear Diana,

Your write up makes a delightful read. I’m stuck on your field of discuss…your syntax and graphical embroidery creates a touch-and-feel experience that’s spot on.

Your prose has both a cosmic and an everyday people side to it…making it easily relatable.

Your use of the days of the week to express pain, hope, relief, joy etc. instantly tells us your world is non-static and fiercely original.

Your effect with the cry for help; furher amplifies humanity on one hand and divinity on the other echoe-ing “we do not have an high priest who isn’t touched by the feelings of our infirmities”

I particularly enjoyed your praise poetry in the run-down to the twilight..watching you immerse your character in deep appreciation of light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel…making my heart leap with nostalgia.

Thanks for making my evening soar…I hardly give 2 thumps up but for this, oya take

Makes me wanna ask, if it’s possible to know your inspiration for this piece?
Pls @ your earliest convenience..cheers

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