Let’s talk about SEX..
So we all know what this means so I don’t need to give a definition. This is one topic that is mostly talked about and also mostly ‘shyed’ away from. In some churches, the mere mention of the word sex makes you a sinner. Sex is a spiritual act, a connection between two souls that should not be trivialised and should be celebrated.
 Sex as originally designed by God is supposed to be an act between a man and a woman, not just any man and woman but a man and woman joined together in marriage. I’m aware that this is contrary to popular belief but sex as ordained by God is an act designed to be between two married people, a man and a woman. It’s sad to see how such a holy act has been ‘bastardised’. In Genesis, God gave Eve to Adam as a help meet for him, they were naked with each other and not ashamed. Eve had become Adam’s wife after God fashioned her out of him and they were naked with each other! The bible says in Genesis 2: 23-25 – And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed’.
Please note: it says here a man shall cleave to his wife, not his girlfriend, not his friends with benefit, not his friend, not his sister, not his fiancée, his WIFE.
The temptation to have premarital sex is so great, it takes the grace of God to say NO and be able to stand by it. I’m aware some people can do it by mere determination but we need to rely solely on the grace of God. Our minds are bombarded every hour of the day by sexual innuendos, some even very direct. Everywhere you turn, it’s the sex talk; it’s definitely not easy to say no. The philosophy creeping around “if it feels good then it’s right†also doesn’t help matters. Lord knows sex gives a very good feeling; on the basis of that philosophy, then sex in any form is right, right? Wrong! Remember, we’re making the bible our base and I just established the bible says sex is between a man and his wife or if you prefer a woman and her husband…
Now that we established that sex is between a married couple, I’m sure you’re wondering -so what should i do with all these temptations? For the unmarried ladies, there are so many fine brothers out there, in fact they wouldn’t even date you if they found out you were celibate. And for the guys, Lord knows the babes are revealing more and more cleavage these days, what’s a brother to do? Well, a sister is to keep her values and a brother is to marry or keep himself. It’s tough, I know and like i said we need GRACE. But trust me, I’ve been there.
What qualifies me to write this? I’m married. Do I even know what single people go through? Well, I was in a relationship with the Mr. over 6 years before we tied the knot and although celibacy was a mutual decision since we base our lives on the word, we had our temptations and challenges. I’m glad to say we waited; so I qualify to say let him put a ring on it before you let him in or if you’re a guy, you must have given her that ring before you can ask her for sex.
I’ll give some reasons why I totally support abstinence and why I think it’s a good idea for anyone to wait for marriage.
- As a Christian, you have a clear conscience towards God. God has said not to do it, what better reason not to do it. You can approach God with peace in your heart. We all know what weight it feels like when you know you shouldn’t do something and you keep doing it.
- Respect: you get to respect yourself as an individual and also the other person. You know that the other person is not only looking to get under your clothes. The fact that they respect you helps them to keep their hands off.
- No emotional baggage: Sex is a spiritual thing. It is a fusion of two souls, a transference of spirit takes place when you have sex. Whether you have it with one guy or more, why become one with someone you’re not married to? How many people are you going to be one with?
- Trust and discipline. When you eventually marry, you’re able to trust that guy or that woman more. If he can’t keep his hands off you before marriage, how do you know he can keep his hands off other ladies after he’s married to you? If he showed some discipline with you before marriage, he’ll most likely be disciplined enough to keep his hands off other girls that tempt him after marriage. Trust me, the temptation doesn’t end in marriage.
- A clear sense of judgement: when you have sex with someone especially when you enjoy it, you have the tendency to overlook their faults no matter how major. This way you can end up marrying someone you shouldn’t or wouldn’t have married under clear circumstances. Sex gives you a soul tie to someone.
- You enter marriage with realistic expectations: when you haven’t had other sexual partners, it’s hard to compare your partner to anyone. You get to understand how to please each other and not think like oh no, B was better in this sense.
- You get to know the ‘real’ person: most people have bad marriages because the time they should have spent discovering each other, likes and dislikes: they spend it in bed. Spend that time outdoors instead of behind closed doors and get to know each other better.
- When you abstain from premarital sex, you don’t have to worry about pregnancy and even sexually transmitted diseases.
I could think of a lot of other reasons but I think this captures the essence of everything.
Have a blessed week and remember, abstinence is possible!
Written by Tolulope Adegbite