There are so many reviews and articles on singlehood, most of which depict a depressed state and tend to stigmatize it. I tried to get reviews from a range of people and they had a lot to say on the topic, however, I found the following two the most interesting:
- You are disabled, if as a young lady or man, you do not have a ‘Boo or Bae’ to call your own.
- Being single is the ideal life style.
So I got thinking, “I’m single! Am I disabled? NO! I’m not… Is it the ideal life style for me? Maybe not (depends on the kind of life style)”
And I arrived at this, the word “SINGLE” isn’t a status, it is a word that describes a person who’s strong enough to enjoy life without depending on others. You could also describe it as emotionally independence.
There are some people who actually believe being single is a disability because they cannot handle the loneliness that comes with it. Then there are some others who believe that being single is the best time in life to “laulau” (misbehave), before getting married. Both impressions, I think, are wrong.
The simple truth about being single is that it is totally normal, it is a phase that most people have to pass through in life. What some do not realize about this phase is that if you allow it, it can shape you into a better person, break you or even worse, damage you psychologically. It totally depends on you as an individual.
Nothing happens by chance, there’s a time for everything (Eccl 3:1 – There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens) including a time to be single; which for some is a beautiful time of self-actualization.
David Whyte said, “Sometimes it takes darkness or the sweet confinement of your aloneness to realize that anyone or anything that does not bring you alive is too small for you”
Here’s what I think he’s saying: sometimes it takes the deep pain of loneliness to discover the beauty of yourself. Some of which include:
- The gifts you have to bring to the world
- The passions lying dormant inside of you
- The things you’ve always wanted to do but have been too scared
- The help you think you need from someone else that you can give to yourself
- The incredible power you have to ask for help
- The inner-strength to accomplish tasks you thought were too big for you
- The direct connection you have to the divine (God)
- The friendship you have to offer yourself
- The deep sense of care and compassion for yourself and others ……. The list goes on and on.
What if, instead of asking the questions we tend to ask in our singleness, like ‘what must be wrong with me?’ or ‘what could I have done differently to keep that last relationship from ending?’ or ‘how can I find the ‘one’?.’ What if we just allowed this phase to shape us, form us and show us how beautiful and amazing we have been all along?
It is okay to ache for a mate – it’s even normal. However, God wants to be enough for you while you wait and even after; He wants to meet you in your state of emotional longing. If you are open, the disappointments you have about your marital status could be the very avenue through which you experience the greatest redemption of your heart. Also, your most devastating relational losses can lead you into deeper relationship with God. If you cry out to Him, He will hold you in His bosom of grace and help you heal.
Sometimes being single is what it takes for you to experience your ‘beautiful unfold’. So, rather than condemn yourself, embrace this season of your life to God’s glory and make the most of it.
– BY BRIDGET OKUMA